With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
