a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
