Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I am mentally ready for anal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
