i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
