I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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