Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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