shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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