exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
