I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
