dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Shame is for Republicans.
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