i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
