if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
