Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
two words...techno handjob
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
