One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
