All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
