Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
