so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
