God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
