You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
