he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
