it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
