Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
