I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I party with great urgency now.
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