I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
