I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
