GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
