So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
