Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
