P.S. I can't hear my feet
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
