I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
