Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
