This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
