Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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