do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
