So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
