I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
