I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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