Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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