What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
