he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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