I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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