When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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