opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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