after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
