i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
