he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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