This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
