White coat. Heels.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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