I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
