Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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