I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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