Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
