I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
