dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
