Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
