she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
