don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
