So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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