I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
