Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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