you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The air was thick with penises
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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