i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
