We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
