I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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