Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize