I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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