we have pet lesbian snakes
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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