Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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