I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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