yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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