Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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