just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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