pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am mentally ready for anal.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
