the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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