I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
