R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
