her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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