You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
