Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
