I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
