ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
