And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
As shirtless as possible
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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