I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize